Doubting doubts
Saturday, March 11, 2017
This is the third of seven blog posts that re-imagine Psalm 73 as journal entries.
If you want the whole story in one go, download the "book" or listen to the sermon.
This is Asaph's story. This is our story.
If you want the whole story in one go, download the "book" or listen to the sermon.
This is Asaph's story. This is our story.
F E B R U A R Y 1 2 / / Psalm 73:13-14
Surely I’ve been following Jesus for nothing. I’ve been trying to live his way, but it’s got me nowhere. I’ve done the right things, the good things but it’s caused me nothing but grief.
I have tried to love everyone, even those I disagree with, but I’m copping so much flack for it. I haven’t cheated my way through school or my job, but others keep jumping ahead of me.
I don’t think honesty or integrity are a valued currency these days.
Despite the saying telling me otherwise, cheaters are certainly prospering.
All day long I’m battling with my thoughts, doubting my faith.
I definitely identify with Thomas more than the rest of the disciples. His struggle seems… a bit more real.
I have been loving listening to this track by Citizens and Saints, it makes so much sense of where I’m at… and where I want to be:
“I keep searching for the answers to my doubts,
It's like I'm caught between belief and wanting out.
But there's this promise that my soul just cannot shake,
That I am loved despite the struggles of my faith.”
- Citizens & Saints // Doubting Doubts
- Citizens & Saints // Doubting Doubts
 |
| Photo // Citizens & Saints - A Mirror Dimly |
but also what makes it so hard.
It’s a mental battle. I’m not doubting God,
but I’m doubting the way the world works,
I’m doubting his place in it, my place in it.
I don’t know whether I have the strength for tomorrow’s problems.
F E B R U A R Y 1 3 / / Psalm 73:15-16
How do you talk about doubt at church?
How can I tell my Christian friends that I’m struggling?
I don’t think I could get up at church and read my last journal entry out, “following Jesus has got me nowhere”…
I think that’d do more harm than good.
The age-old question remains – why do bad things happen to good people? But more strikingly for me right now, why do good things happen to bad people?
I get that the sin in the world causes us all to suffer, but surely if anyone was going to prosper it should be the good ones…
I’m writing all this down because I just don’t get it and I need to stop it swirling around my head.
I need some clarity.
I think I’ll set aside tomorrow to read and pray,
to stop and worship,
to create some space,
to spend time wrestling with God.
Doubt isn't necessarily a dirty word. It also isn't mutually exclusive to faith.
Because faith is a journey and religion is a relationship - they both need to grow.
Sometimes you need to question your doubts and you'll find your faith is stronger for it.
0 comments